you're telling me that there's no hope

things sort of start, reminding me of my last night with you

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 22:41:44 GMT

1. Does God exist? Throughout history, in all cultures of the world, people have been convinced there is a God.

Billions of people, who represent diverse sociological, intellectual, emotional, educational makeups...believe that there is a Creator, a God to be worshipped. Now, the fact that so many people believe something certainly doesn't make it true. But when so many people through the ages are so personally convinced that God exists, can one say with absolute confidence that they are all mistaken?

     "Anthropological research has indicated that among the farthest and most remote primitive people today, there is a universal belief in God. And in the earliest histories and legends of people all around the world, the original concept was of one God, who was the Creator. An original high God seems once to have been in their consciousness even in those societies which are today polytheistic."3

2. Does God exist? The complexity of our planet points to a deliberate Designer who not only created our universe, but sustains it today.

     Many examples showing God's design could be given, possibly with no end. But here are a few:

     The Earth...its size is perfect. The Earth's size and corresponding gravity holds a thin layer of mostly nitrogen and oxygen gases, only extending about 50 miles above the Earth's surface. If Earth were smaller, an atmosphere would be impossible, like the planet Mercury. If Earth were larger, its atmosphere would contain free hydrogen, like Jupiter.4 Earth is the only known planet equipped with an atmosphere of the right mixture of gases to sustain plant, animal and human life.

     The Earth is located the right distance from the sun. Consider the temperature swings we encounter, roughly -30 degrees to 120 degrees. If the Earth were any further away from the sun, we would all freeze. Any closer and we would burn up. Even a fractional variance in the Earth's position to the sun would make life on Earth impossible. The Earth remains this perfect distance from the sun while it rotates around the sun at a speed of nearly 67,000 mph. It is also rotating on its axis, allowing the entire surface of the Earth to be properly warmed and cooled every day.

     And our moon is the perfect size and distance from the Earth for its gravitational pull. The moon creates important ocean tides and movement so ocean waters do not stagnate, and yet it restrains our massive oceans from spilling over across the continents.5

      Water...colorless, odorless and without taste, and yet no living thing can survive without it. Plants, animals and human beings consist mostly of water (about two-thirds of the human body is water).

     You'll see why the characteristics of water are uniquely suited to life:

     It has an unusually high boiling point and freezing point. Water allows us to live in an environment of fluctuating temperature changes, while keeping our bodies a steady 98.6 degrees.
     Water is a universal solvent. This property of water means that thousands of chemicals, minerals and nutrients can be carried throughout our bodies and into the smallest blood vessels.6
     Water is also chemically inert. Without affecting the makeup of the substances it carries, water enables food, medicines and minerals to be absorbed and used by the body.

     Water has a unique surface tension. Water in plants can therefore flow upward against gravity, bringing life-giving water and nutrients to the top of even the tallest trees.

     Water freezes from the top down and floats, so fish can live in the winter.

     Ninety-seven percent of the Earth's water is in the oceans. But on our Earth, there is a system designed which removes salt from the water and then distributes that water throughout the globe. Evaporation takes the ocean waters, leaving the salt, and forms clouds which are easily moved by the wind to disperse water over the land, for vegetation, animals and people. It is a system of purification and supply that sustains life on this planet, a system of recycled and reused water.7

     The human brain...simultaneously processes an amazing amount of information. Your brain takes in all the colors and objects you see, the temperature around you, the pressure of your feet against the floor, the sounds around you, the dryness of your mouth, even the texture of this article in your hand.

     Your brain registers emotional responses, thoughts and memories. At the same time your brain keeps track of the ongoing functions of your body like your breathing pattern, eyelid movement, hunger and movement of the muscles in your hands.

     The human brain processes more than a million messages a second.8 Your brain weighs the importance of all this data, filtering out the relatively unimportant. This screening function is what allows you to focus and operate effectively in your world.

     A brain that deals with more than a million pieces of information every second, while evaluating its importance and allowing you to act on the most pertinent information...can we say mere chance brought about such an astounding organ? When NASA launches a shuttle mission, it is assumed a monkey didn't write the plan, but intelligent and knowledgeable minds. How does one explain the existence of the human brain? Only a mind more intelligent and knowledgeable than humanity could have created the human brain.

3. Does God exist? Mere "chance" is not an adequate explanation of creation.

     Imagine looking at Mount Rushmore, in which the likenesses of Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt are carved. Could you ever believe that it came about by chance? Given infinite time, wind, rain and chance, it is still hard to believe something like that, tied to history, was randomly formed in the side of a mountain. Common sense tells us that people planned and skillfully carved those figures. This article only touches on a few amazing aspects of our world: the Earth's position to the sun, some properties of water, one organ in the human body. Could any of these have come about by chance?

     The distinguished astronomer Sir Frederick Hoyle showed how amino acids randomly coming together in a human cell is mathematically absurd. Sir Hoyle illustrated the weakness of "chance" with the following analogy. "What are the chances that a tornado might blow through a junkyard containing all the parts of a 747, accidentally assemble them into a plane, and leave it ready for take-off? The possibilities are so small as to be negligible even if a tornado were to blow through enough junkyards to fill the whole universe!"9 When one considers the intricacies of our life and universe, it is reasonable to think that an intelligent, loving Creator provided for everything we need for life. The Bible describes God as the author and sustainer of life.

4. Does God exist? Humankind's inherent sense of right and wrong cannot be biologically explained.

     There arises in all of us, of any culture, universal feelings of right and wrong. Even a thief gets upset and feels wronged when someone steals from him. If someone violently grabs a child from a family and rapes that child, there is an anger and revulsion and a rage to confront that act as evil, regardless of the culture. Where did we get this sense of wrongness? How do we explain a universal law in the conscience of all people that says murder for fun is wrong? And in areas like courage, dying for a cause, love, dignity, duty and compassion, where did these come from? If people are merely products of physical evolution, "survival of the fittest," why do we sacrifice for each other? Where did we get this inner sense of right and wrong? Our conscience can best be explained by a loving Creator who cares about the decisions and harmony of humanity.

5. Does God exist? God not only has revealed Himself in what can be observed in nature, and in human life, but He has even more specifically shown Himself in the Bible.

     God's thoughts, personality, and attitudes can only be known if God chooses to reveal them. All else would be human speculation. We are at a loss if God does not wish to be known. But God wants us to know Him and has told us in the Bible all we need to know about His character and how to relate to Him. This makes the reliability of the Bible an important consideration.

     Archaeological findings continue to confirm rather than refute the accuracy of the Bible. For example, an archeological find in northern Israel in August 1993 confirmed the existence of King David, author of many of the Psalms in the Bible.10 The Dead Sea Scrolls and other archaeological discoveries continue to substantiate the historical accuracy of the Bible.

     The Bible was written over a 1500-year span, by 40 different authors, in different locations and on separate continents, written in three different languages, covering diverse subject matters at different points in history.11 Yet there is an astounding consistency in its message.

     Throughout the entire Bible the same message appears: God created the world we live in, and created us specifically to have a relationship with Him. He deeply loves us. We have sinned and are under God's judgment, in need of His forgiveness. God provided a way for our sins to be forgiven. He asks us to receive His forgiveness and have a relationship with Him that will last eternally. Along with this central script, the Bible specifically reveals God's character. Psalm 145 is a typical summary of God's personality, thoughts and feelings toward us. If you want to know God, here He is.

6. Does God exist? Unlike any other revelation of God, Jesus Christ is the clearest, most specific picture of God.

     Why Jesus? Look throughout the major world religions and you'll find that Buddha, Muhammad, Confucius and Moses all identified themselves as teachers or prophets. None of them ever claimed to be equal to God. Surprisingly, Jesus did. That is what sets Jesus apart from all the others. He said God exists and you're looking at Him. Though He talked about His Father in heaven, it was not from the position of separation, but of very close union, unique to all humankind. Jesus said that anyone who had seen Him had seen the Father, anyone who believed in Him, believed in the Father.

     He said, "I am the light of the world, he who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."12 He claimed attributes belonging only to God: to be able to forgive people of their sin, free them from habits of sin, give people a more abundant life and give them eternal life in heaven. Unlike other teachers who focused people on their words, Jesus pointed people to himself. He did not say, "follow my words and you will find truth." He said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father but through me."13

     What proof did Jesus give for claiming to be divine? He did what people can't do. Jesus performed miracles. He healed people...blind, crippled, deaf, even raised a couple of people from the dead. He had power over objects...created food out of thin air, enough to feed crowds of several thousand people. He performed miracles over nature...walked on top of a lake, commanding a raging storm to stop for some friends. People everywhere followed Jesus, because He constantly met their needs, doing the miraculous. He said if you do not want to believe what I'm telling you, you should at least believe in me based on the miracles you're seeing.14

     What did Jesus reveal about God's personality? What about God's thoughts, expectations and His feelings toward humankind? Jesus Christ showed God to be gentle, loving, aware of our self-centeredness and shortcomings, yet deeply wanting a relationship with us. Jesus revealed that although God views us as sinners, worthy of His punishment, His love for us ruled and God came up with a different plan. God would have His Son receive the punishment for our sin. And Jesus willingly accepted this plan.

     Jesus was tortured with a whip of nine sharp-tipped ends. A "crown" of two-inch thorns was pressed into his head. Then they secured Him to a cross by pounding nails through His hands and feet into the wood. Given His other miracles, those nails didn't keep Him on the cross; His love for us did. Jesus died in our place so we could be forgiven. Of all the religions known to humanity, only through Jesus will you see God reaching toward humanity, providing a way for us to have a relationship with Him. Jesus proves a divine heart of love, meeting our needs, drawing us to Himself. Because of Jesus' death we can be forgiven, fully accepted by God and genuinely loved by God. God says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love, therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."15 This is God, in action.

     The most conclusive proof that Jesus is equal to God was Jesus' most closely scrutinized miracle - His own resurrection from the dead. Jesus said that three days after His burial He would come back to life. On the third day after His crucifixion, the almost two-ton boulder in front of His tomb was catapulted up a slope.16 The guard of well-trained Roman soldiers saw a blinding light and an angel. The tomb was empty, except for the burial clothes that had been wrapped around Jesus' body. Over the years, legal, historical and logical analysis has been applied to Jesus' resurrection and the most feasible conclusion still is that Jesus rose from the dead.

Does God exist? If you want to know, investigate Jesus Christ. We're told that "God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."17

friends only

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 21:29:44 GMT

*******friends only*******

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 19:02:11 GMT

Halifax, capital of Nova Scotia, lies on a peninsula and is one of the world's largest deep water harbours. This hilly city rises from the harbour and the historic central district to the upper ramparts of the Halifax Citadel, a star-shaped fortress, offering visitors splendid views of the city and waterfront. While in Halifax be sure to take in the Maritime Museum of the Atlantic and Pier 21 - a national historic site that proudly showcases Canada's immigrant heritage. A drive to nearby Peggy's Cove, to see what must be the world's most photographed lighthouse is also a 'must-do.'

well a weight is gone. kind of nice.

why are you allowed to make me feel bad about my decisions?

i am excited!

social division woo

320-330

follower?

~~cryptic~~

poor old johnny ray

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 22:36:55 GMT

jill's 15 year old cousin, clearly without a driver's license, gets behind the wheel. jill gets in the front seat, and in the back, on the driver's side, is jen, in the middle, jill's mom, and on the passenger side sits robyn.

jill's cousin drives far too quickly towards a line of parked cars, trying to get between the back of them and a low garden wall. miraculously, he consistently misses the cars and the wall, although just barely. coming onto the highway and nearing jill, jen and robyn's school, then conversation begins. the car itself now alternates between being an actual car, and being a small truck with a bench seat, removing removing robyn, jill's mom and jill's cousin and replacing them with jill's dad, who drives the truck, as necessary.

jill's dad: "jill, i wish you would let me eat chips. it's just not the super bowl without chips."

jill: "too bad. you're not allowed."

jen, who was pretty sure the super bowl was over, is noticeably confused and concerned for her friend's well-being.

passing the school during spirit week, jen sees a large diagram of the human heart, attached to a chain link fence which surrounds a sports field. going a little further, there is a large model of a golgi body, floating in a pond in the middle of a track.

jen: "oooooh, a heart!"

robyn: "it's all.... genetic though!"

jill's mom: "you do have some strange habits, jen." [eyes jen suspiciously, her glance shifting periodically to jill as though she is afraid that she, too, may have some perverse interest in hearts.]

jen (to robyn): "yeah... that's the point...."

robyn (now miraculously holding a much-reduced version of the heart on the fence): "blood (gestures at the heart) really can make you fanatical though."

now back trying to squeeze behind the line of parked cars, jill's cousin begins to steadily lose control of the car. driving over bumpy grass, the steering wheel jerks in his hand. ironically, just as the space between the cars and the wall widens enough for actually several cars to pass through, he lets go of the steering wheel and they careen over the garden wall to their certain deaths, miles below in an ocean.

jen wakes up to find that it is dinner time and for some reason she can't possibly stomach the chicken her mother has cooked, so she goes on her livejournal instead to talk about her ridiculous dream.

*********

today wasn't bad at all. math first block - who in their right mind would enjoy that? but guess what? i did! dfv wasn't terrible - i got to visit with janine, krystle and shmuzzle. lunch was alright. that was actually probably the low point of my day, strangely enough. during english i went downstairs and got to see robyn, jill and shauna for a little bit which made me very happy. :] jill's hair looks so wonderful! i love it. and of course biology was great. we didn't even do anything exciting, just some work on the myocardial cell and some notes, but for whatever reason i love bio and no matter what we do it's fun!
the bus ride home was good, talking to greg. some random girl in front of us (i guess she knew greg) said that she liked me. (it was one of those "ugh i hate people! well not you and you, oh and her, but i can't stand saxon!" things.)

when i got home and found out that my mother, in fact, had my birth certificate, i was ecstatic, literally bouncing off the walls. my mood did nothing but improve until i crashed around 4.

i'm doing better than i have in a long time. i hope this doesn't go away.

yesterday i cried because a fire truck drove by me. if anyone can explain why this is reasonable i will give them sexual pleasures. except not really.

this weekend should be really great. i'm looking forward to it! if anyone is looking to do anything with me it will have to be next week sometime ("get your tickets in advance! no rainchecks or substitutions! while quantities last!")....

jill is coming to live with me in approximately 3 days.

this entry got long fast.

</over>

mad/rad hella crazy

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 00:28:56 GMT

if i had had a bumper sticker last semester (unfortunately my parents aren't cool enough for that - oh sigh), it would have read:

all stressed out and no one to choke.

awwwwwwwesome green cords!

i need katey to contact me to figure out what is going on this weekend!

when is moneen here?

everyone who reads this should leave me a comment. anything. under penalty of death. or just penalty of nothing. hah

today i got all the way to the passport office in halifax and up to the 15th floor, at which point my mom decided to check if i had my birth certificate! she neglected to mention that i was going to need it, so we traveled back down to the street and waaaaaaay out to eastern passage. and tomorrow i will be going to halifax again, this time with my aunt.

i wanted greg to come online so i could ask him to go for a walk or something. i'm bored out of my effing tree. oh well. another day i guess.

prom dress shopping with jen sign up list starts

HERE.

oh beat bizzle

Sun, 01 Feb 2004 22:06:32 GMT

today i slept until 4 pm. healthy? who cares.

last night courtney ate 9 packets of sugar at the apple barrel. people at the other table were laughing at her i think.

"whoa! that was loud."

fish face!

"we love bibos!"

too cool for school

"i'm a photographer, let me take a picture of all four of you!"

nine packets...

creepy voice: "can i take your picture?"

we traveled to two different mcdonald's.

"shauna, you can't turn left here! it's straight only!"
"no it's not."
"yes it is, it's just a straight arrow! you can't turn left! you can't.... okay, turn right then!"

i had fun last night. there were some people i wish i could have seen a little more of. but there are always other days.

new semester tomorrow! watch out world, the female kyle jewer is about to be unleashed.

we're almost 23 and you're still mad at me

Fri, 30 Jan 2004 23:25:01 GMT

A - Age - 16
B - Boyfriend/Girlfriend - not at the moment
C - Chore you hate - cleaning my hole
D - Dad's name - Steve
E - Essential makeup item - mascara
F - Favourite actor - jake gyllenhall (?)
G - Gold or silver - either, depending on the mood
H - Hometown - at heart, comox, really, kingston, ont.
I - Instruments you play - the recorder wooo
J - Job Title - toys r us associate!
K - Kids - i like the loud, crazy ones
L - Living arrangements - with my parents
M - Mom's name - Frances
N - Number of people you've slept with - zero
O - Overnight hospital stays - none overnight
P - Phobias - death
Q - Quote you like - "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt (thanks megan!)
R - Religion - Roman Catholic
S - Siblings - steph (13), devon (5)
T - Time you wake up - 5:30, 6:00 or 6:30, depending on how much preparation is required
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat - that's silly. i'm not 6.
W - Who you like -
X - X-rays you've had - shoulder
Y - Your favourite food - ice cream and sushi (california rolls)
Z - Zodiac sign - virgo

pop art à la andy warhol:

fauvism à la henri matisse:

cubism à la picasso:

bad example of expressionism, done in about 4 minutes:

i remember when the world was born, and everything was a colour:

so, that's enough of my sometimes good, sometimes childish in quality art.

today i performed some surgery on a pair of pants. it was fun and they turned out quite nicely. :]

this long weekend is getting off to a really boring start. stayed home last night, staying home tonight wooo. but tomorrow is the show with jill, shauna, courtney, megan and robyn! that will be fun. i'm looking forward to it.

nothing else in my life at all. oh dear.

do i have a prominent brow ridge?

Thu, 29 Jan 2004 20:15:27 GMT

'...But his browridges, which overhung his large deep-set eyes, were his most distinctive feature, not quite as imposing as men of the Clan, but definitely prominent.'

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended.
That you have but slumber'd here,
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

~~no, you won't believe it~~
~~not until you see it~~

***************

How To Be Un-Noticeably Strong (In Just Five Easy Steps!)

Don't tell other people your troubles.
If they ask, lie.
If the lie doesn't work, tell another lie, and then another. Pretty soon people will believe you. Or else they'll get so worn out that they'll stop asking questions.
Whatever you do, don't start feeling sorry for yourself.
If you do feel sorry for yourself, keep your mouth shut - because if you don't, things will only get worse. Fast.

***************

and i'm sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here

i will always be
that same girl
who stood by the sea

your last regret, your only friend

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The word 'samba' means 'to rub navels together'.

More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i'm falling into memories of you

i know that i hurt you
things will never be the same

~~you won't be coming back~~
~~and i didn't get to say goodbye~~

~~i really wish i got to say goodbye~~

how it feels to be alone and not believe anything

Wed, 28 Jan 2004 22:51:29 GMT

my wine is spiked with pomegranate

yesterday i went to jill's house and we watched spiceworld. we win the cool kids contest. it was awesome.

today i went to jill's house and crashed on her couch. we were supposed to be watching the leo/claire r+j but we were both exhausted and we just fell asleep. that couch was soo comfortable. ahaha

i hate when people don't know how to use proper punctuation at all (i.e. 5 sentences crammed into one).
i hate mean people.
i hate that i feel so awkward around people that i used to be really comfortable with.
i hate when bad things happen to good people.

i really put my foot in it yesterday morning and i feel like an idiot. ~~justshootmenow~~.

i went to fabricville (fabricville? whatever happened to fabricland? or is that just another of my bc-isms?) with jill and her dad and got a little gift for my secret admirer way out in vancouver. haha

S elf
C ontaining
U nderwater
B reathing
A pparatus

~~cork board~~.

i do believe in fairies!

Sun, 25 Jan 2004 04:55:40 GMT

yesterday was fun/strange/unexpected/surreal. it being the last day of the first semester, it felt very final. although i knew i'd be seeing everyone in a couple days' time, just as with a normal weekend, i knew that when we came back it would all be different, and that it would all take some getting used to. at the same time, however, i'm excited for the change. i need to get out of the rut of knowing that i am doing terribly and that it is mostly my fault.

i went to jilly's house after school. her, krystle and i walked to auburn so that krystle could meet shmuzzle. we hung out there for 10 or 15 minutes, then decided that krystle would come with us to jill's house and then head back to auburn to meet shmuzzle and take the bus to his house.

jill and i altered some shirts while we were waiting to head over to halifax. she finished hers, but when i went to sew mine up, i broke her sewing machine. :\ haha i got one side sewn up but we were unable to fix the machine so i just wore what i had been wearing at school all day.

we got to the vogue to find around 10 people standing outside. the doors opened late, for whatever reason, but still not many people showed up. karley, jessica one, dallen and a couple other people showed up and we were talking to them for a bit. we went into the apple barrel for heat and coffee. karley was wearing all red and made us promise not to tell that she wore pink gloves with her red pants. so i took a picture.

we were just waiting for krystle, shmuzzle, shauna, chris, tim, and others to show up when evan came walking up. we said hi to him and he came over and chatted with us for a bit. he mentioned that he had wanted to go to a movie or something instead, since robyn wasn't going to make it and there wasn't really anyone else he wanted to hang out with. the three of us stood outside for a bit, in the biting cold, deciding what to do, and finally, when our hands felt as if they were about to fall off, we decided to take our chances and head over to spring garden. he'd tried to get a hold of the movie theater through 411, but all he'd managed to procur was tim horton's donuts and a bunch of jibberish.

we walked over and found that all the movies had started about 20 minutes before. so we bought tickets for the 9:25 show of big fish and headed over to second cup for some coffee. we talked a lot about bc, and just about school and music in general. evan is a really nice kid and we had fun talking with him. i completely embarrassed myself at least once, but that's a story better told in person.

when we got to the movie theater we were able to by-pass the gargantuan line-up, since we'd bought our tickets 2 hours earlier. the girl who ripped our tickets sent us in the complete opposite direction of our theater, but we found it anyway.

we all got large popcorns with a free drink, because we'd been given coupons when we bought our tickets. not one of us ate more than 1/3 of a bag. evan and i took ours home.

jill and i had never seen the movie before. evan, however, fell asleep partway through. he snored, at first quietly, which jill and i found highly amusing. it reached the point, however, where he snored loud enough to wake himself up. that was even funnier.

after the movie we decided it was time to call a cab. with it being 11:30, we'd be lucky to even make it back to cole harbour by midnight! evan had a half hour to wait for his bus and we felt bad about leaving him but we couldn't risk getting home any later.

i took this picture of evan and jill just before we left.

overall it was a really great night. jill and i felt bad about not being at the show because we'd told several people that we would be there. but there will be other shows. sorry to anyone we offended!

we didn't think of making a photo story until after the movies and the penhorn mall. so just know that we saw peter pan and then we went to cibc and wal-mart. (and we didn't think to stop in and say hi to greg! sorry!)

after wal-mart we went to value village, where we started off by looking at tshirts.

we found a hard rock cafe t-shirt that we thought jill might like.

we ran into chris, megan hardy, tim, and some girl we still don't know. chris found a really hot sweater.

on the way back to the car, i slipped on some ice.

next, we traveled to cd heaven.

shauna's uncle is responsible for this cd. she didn't tell me the story behind that.

we found the jackson family.

the friendly signs warned us that it would be pretty hard to steal anything.

the man looking for our buttons wanted his picture taken. he asked if we were married.

next, we drove to future shop.

shauna bought, a cd, then we left.

some jerk didn't stop at the stop sign.

we then walked over to starbucks, where i got a white chocolate mocha.

next we went to hmv....

...where i bought the yellowcard 'ocean avenue' cd.

we went to toys r us, and distracted jennie and erin from their jobs. neither wanted their picture taken, so they ignored us.

we headed to the rzone....

...where we said hi to hugh.

we went up to music world, where we found my newly-purchased yellowcard cd...
...3$ cheaper.

we hurried down to second cup before we left, where i got an apple cider.

after this exciting day, shauna drove me all the way to my hosue in the passage.

says she's got it all, says she's got it all, says she's got it...

Fri, 23 Jan 2004 00:26:29 GMT

... i don't want to be the one to tell her that she don't.

"i like alphaghetti the best."

"no man. well. yah. you can spell stuff. but with zoodles it's like a guessing game, trying to figure out what animal you're eating. which is kind of not vegetarian."

today i passed an uneventful day.

i arrived in the morning to find greg talking to a very pretty megan. she's right - when you feel like shit, sometimes getting dressed up can make you feel a lot better.

english class was alright. we watched zefferelli's romeo & juliet, or part of it anyway. juliet looking like a pre-pubescent 6th grader with a hell of a push-up bra. men in tights. funny stuff.

chem was bad. i came out with a 48% for the term. my mother will have my head on a platter. plus i didn't get any review done because arlea always talks to me. i don't think i'm going tomorrow, i'll go to the library instead.

art was pretty good! we did our in-class exam. it went pretty well.

math wasn't great, other than finally learning how to do the ferris wheel question! ms robyn mitchell wasn't in school today! it's just not the same without her.

i got home and slept from around 3 until 5:30. when i woke up and saw my clock i thought i had just woken up half an hour early and that i was going to have extra time to get ready for school today. then i realized it was night time and i hadn't in fact gotten a good night's sleep.

now i am trying to work on an art project. it's minimally interesting. and due tomorrow. so i have to focus.

focusfocusfocus.

talk with me

Thu, 22 Jan 2004 18:46:05 GMT

dance with me.

oh my.

yeah. hell? go there.

Thu, 22 Jan 2004 00:30:35 GMT

there's thunder all around me, and there's poison in the air

i have decided that:

^ this semester's marks are not the end of the world.
^ i will work hard to do as well as possible on my exams.
^ i will work hard next semester to do really well.
^ it won't be the end of the world if i don't get accepted to dal or wherever else.
^ if i have to, i will take that extra year to upgrade my courses and try again.
^ i'll be okay.

my aunt sold a house. woooo! go aunt anna.

many dissections were done in the biology labs today. i was jealous until i remembered that:

a) i've done all of them before.
b) i'll get my turn at the fetal pig again at the end of next semester!

shauna/nathan hung up on me tonight when i called work. jerks. hah

although i'm happy coming out of math just passing, because i did have a 34% at one point, my mother will not be happy with it. i feel another looong lecture coming on. i wish she didn't have to see my report card. it's so hard for me to explain myself to her. i've already come to several conclusions and made decisions but that won't matter to her. well it might if i could articulate them properly to her. i'll work on it. i've got approximately 2 weeks.

humm two things that i was really excited about have decided to conflict. they only overlap for a couple hours though... i'm sure something can be worked out.

well kids that's it. does someone want to do something really exciting with me really soon?

Tue, 20 Jan 2004 21:42:24 GMT

"we've spoken about trust before..."

"i know i haven't always been the best parent but i've tried to do my best by you for the past 16 years..."

"i just don't know if i can trust you any more..."

no, kids, i didn't get caught doing drugs, or stealing, or even lying for that matter. want to know what i did? i told her i would clean the bathroom on sunday and just haven't gotten around to doing it yet. that's right, she's nuts. this whole thing has been blown waaaaaaaaaaay out of proportion.

someone come save me from the madness!

*<3

there is a quick and easy way, you say

Tue, 20 Jan 2004 20:17:27 GMT

Seer

The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

i will be your ferdinand

Tue, 20 Jan 2004 01:28:24 GMT

and tenderly you tell about the saddest book you ever read, it always makes you cry

we'll drink ourselves awake

i went to pick up my pictures today and was sadly disappointed. my camera, being 20 years old, has become quite tempermental. only 9 photos turned out. on a 36 roll. so now i will have to be much more careful as far as setting it correctly for my photos. oh well. you live and learn, right?

school tomorrow? yes?

my offer has been declined

Mon, 19 Jan 2004 18:48:58 GMT

guess what guys. i'm uber proud of myself - i altered a shirt! i had so many huge t-shirts that i was sick of having but never wearing, so shauna showed me a website that taught me how to make them smaller! it took forever to sew it all by hand because i am sewing machine-challenged, but it was worth it. i'm quite pleased. take a look!

it used to be one of those really huge, XXL tshirts that you get for free from different organizations...

it said "YOUTH TAKING ACTION", so i put a heart over it instead. you can still see it a little bit... oh well.

another day without school. as much as i'm grateful for all the sleep and everything, i have to admit i am getting a little sick of this. i hope we get to go back tomorrow!

i'm picking up some pictures tonight. soo excited. there's one roll that's all recently from school, and another that i found in my dresser drawer. i have no idea what's on it. i <3 surprises!

drop me a line. please.

i could be dreaming

Mon, 19 Jan 2004 01:06:08 GMT

we need to talk

Sun, 18 Jan 2004 01:16:21 GMT

step into my office, baby

"...the best out of all of them. you dress the best. you listen to the best music. you have the best ideas."
"i have the best thoughts."
"she has the best thoughts. she has the best food. she is the best one."

oh dear. how silly.

haaaaaaaa last night was great. utterly enjoyable. important things were decided. good times were to be had. thoroughly excellent.

i worked today. it was nice. but slightly worry-making.

"i want you to come up to animal alley and look up to service. see the guy in the flame hat with the scruffy beard..."

"you know what a code 9 is, right? code 9? ... just checking."

"approach every customer... don't group together - fan out. don't let anyone pass by without your attention. watch them."

pah! i don't work AT ALL this week. zero shifts = zero money. excellent. but 1 shift every 2 weeks is better than no shifts ever.

on wednesday someone asked me if jill was my best friend.

does high school dropout look good on a résumé?

dum di dum di da di dum.

ruined your black-tie affair

Fri, 16 Jan 2004 21:56:42 GMT

i am in THEBESTMOOD. since i hung up with megan and robyn last night i have been happyhappyhappy! it's awesome and i love it.

i was actually disappointed in the snow day today. since there was no school yesterday i had gotten all excited for today, seeing my friends and everything. i got my clothes all ready last night, and couldn't sleep because i was in such a good mood and i just kept thinking. then i woke up at 10am in a mad panic because i thought i had slept in and was very late for school. yes, folks, i've accepted - i'ma nerd.

jill is here! i will finish later.

teach me

Thu, 15 Jan 2004 21:48:51 GMT

i guess i'm a member of the belle & sebastian fanclub now. "if she wants me" gives me a really silly, happy feeling and makes me want to dance around the room.

petah pan on sunday! me + shauna + boys in spandex. should be a good time.

jilly - want to come to my house tomorrow and have a silly, girly sleepover where we stay up really late, eat lots of junk food and talk about boys?

i am starting to appreciate the people around me. that's really thanks to something a certain person said to me. i'm grateful for that, and for her friendship.

who wants to:
->come prom dress shopping another day
->do something this weekend
?

stolen from someone i don't know

Wed, 14 Jan 2004 02:53:28 GMT

***The Rules:***
01. Copy this whole list into your journal.
02. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
03. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.

1. I can draw.
2. I have strange eating habits.
3. I love my friends.
4. I love LJ.(sometimes)
5. I tried collecting postcards once.
6. I am from BC.
7. I was born in September.
8. I read a lot.
9. I am not on anti-depressants.
10. I sometimes bite my nails.
11. I like being silly.
12. I love English class.
13. I don't have a cell phone.
14. I hope I'll never lose this happiness.
15. I'm about 5'6".
16. I hate competition.
17. I enjoy Shakespeare's everything.
18. I often stare into nothing.
19. I like board games.
20. I appreciate gratitude.
21. I don't get enough sleep.
22. I am too lazy.
23. I buy food and bring it to the movies.
24. I constantly procrastinate.
25. I have never done drugs before.
26. I haven't drank alcohol in a long time.
27. People think I'm crazy.
28. I love cake.
29. I work at Toys R Us.
30. I hate chemistry class.
31. I love hot chocolate.
32. I like loud and crazy kids.
33. I don't like seafood.
34. I dress casually. (most of the time)
35. I hate when people walk too slow.
36. I don't watch TV.
37. I'm a Virgo.
38. I am single.
39. I don't know what OCC is.
40. I like Garlic Bread.
41. I think too much.
42. I love summer.
43. I haven't seen Marilyn Manson in concert.
44. I can be an asshole.
45. It annoys me when people disrespect nature.
46. I can be very naive.
47. I'll be 18 in 1 year, 7 months and 26 days.
48. I love the word folicle.
49. I can't sing to save my life, but i do anyway.
50. I wish my hair was straighter.
51. I stutter slightly in the cold.
52. I can burn my own cd's.
53. I am passive/agressive.
54. I like a boy.
55. I sometimes put others before myself.
56. I have heard of Silverchair.
57. My mother is overbearing.
58. I'm a slacker.
59. I'm Polish/French/English/Irish.
60. People like me.
61. I love showers and baths.
62. I love surprises.
63. I enjoy confrontation when it's not taken too far.
64. Sometimes I laugh about absolutely nothing.
65. When I don't understand something, I usually nod and smile.
66. I am afraid of not having control over my own death.
67. I don't like cool showers.
68. I don't usually speak just to fill silence.
69. I rarely buy movies.
70. I don't know what it's like to live in New Jersey.
71. I love change. Especially if it's exciting.
72. I have not run into a tree.
73. I have walked into doors.
74. I like looking at and taking pictures.
75. I hate the word, 'scrotum'.
76. I've learned that too many people pay attention to looks and not enough to personality.
77. I learn song lyrics quickly.
78. I like candles.
79. I like school sometimes.
80. I am annoyed by phony people.
81. I have studied one language besides English in my life.
82. My favorite color is PINK.
83. I very rarely get bored.
84. I usually hold doors.
85. I have not yet showered today.
86. I don't like when people brag.
87. I have camped outdoors.
88. I really want to find love. and hold on to it too.
89. I like people with a really good sense of humor.
90. I like this survey.
91. Right now, I'm extremely nothing.
92. My favourite item of clothing is my skirt from semi.
93. My hair is black.
94. I am officially bored with just about everything.
95. I reminisce to myself a lot.
96. I like Q and not U.
97. I don't know who Saul Williams is.
98. hubba bubba is my favorite gum.
99. My bedroom walls are pink.
100. I don't like itchy noses.

please turn the fucking radio off

Tue, 13 Jan 2004 23:14:20 GMT

"get away from me."

"ok."

"sorry. i just got over being sick."

hum/hum/humm.

"why don't you start treating me like most of your friends do - some of them actually think i'm cool."

"fine then. why don't you just have them come live here. i'll go stay at their houses."

oh dear.

"you keep talking like you're going to graduate in june, but i don't see that happening. when exactly are you going to do all this?!"

okthanks.

your uterus is too small

Mon, 12 Jan 2004 22:51:15 GMT

today was a bad day. nothing extraordinary happened. just one of those days. oh well. next!

so i thought that maybe if i brightened up my layout a bit my mood might improve. the effects have yet to be seen.

i miss certain friends of mine that i don't see so much any more. yes it's great that i have new friends and that i still have a job. but please don't hold either of these against me. if we don't grow.... as people, what's the point? i still love you to death and always will and this is breaking my heart. i don't want this divide to get to the point where it is.... irreconcilable. toobadyoudon'treadthis.

if i could do just one imperfect thing, i'd be happy.
write it on my grave or when they scatter my ashes.....
...... on second thought, i think i'd rather stay around,
be a girl with my best friend if she wants me.

who wants to come to toronto with me in august to see cirque du soleil?

i want to make a shirt.

they've come to save the cats

Sun, 11 Jan 2004 18:32:37 GMT

so i've passed a thoroughly enjoyable weekend. thankyou.

friday night was spent at a show in dartmouth (at the lotus) with jill, shauna, greg and robyn. such a tiny tiny space - a ton of people all crammed together. it was fun. the music wasn't anything amazing but.. what can you do. the fire marshall and the police even came because some idiot thought the place was on fire. good times.

we left just before sidewalk sluts and decided to head down to see if value village was still open. nope. so we headed up to timmy's. mmm apple cider. but the donuts weren't glazed enough for jilly and i. that was disappointing.

saturday morning i went to work with a massive headache and a persistent ringing in my ears. it was mostly gone by about 2pm.

after work my mum drove me out to jilly's house. we had an excellent time, having our scary movie fest! we watched the duplicate, wrong turn, the ring, may, and signs. funfunfun. we were so silly, creeping upstairs, turning on all the lights and closing all the doors because we were afraid something would come out and attack us. then we curled up on the little couch in the back room and fell asleep. that sofa was not made for two people to sleep on. ha

today we woke up around 11:30. zacky came in with a new xbox game so i played with him until i started beating him too frequently and he decided he wanted to play 1 player.

i want an xbox.

then we had sandwiches and finished watching the ring. it wasn't as scary as i remember it being last time.

now i'm home.

jilly's coming to stay with me for a week in february when her parents go away. i haven't asked my mom yet but it shouldn't be a problem.

wooooot!

.^.^.^.^.^.